Date Rape Journey, Part 4: I Am More than Skin Deep

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I want more than skin deep.

This jagged edge of my story cuts to the core.

At age 22 or so, I helped my sister move into a new office in Kirkland, Washington. After we finished, I drove home.

Later that evening she called to say a guy in the building asked her if I wanted to walk along the pier sometime. He hadn’t interacted with us that day, and neither of us knew him.

I said she could give him my phone number. I love water, and a walk on a sunny summer’s evening sounded like fun. I knew to meet only in public places, so the activity registered as “safe” on my internal risk meter.

At that time in my life, I was looking for a man to – eventually –  become a life mate and husband. Someone who made my soul sing.

One evening I met this guy along the pier, as we planned. The sun shimmered on Mount Rainier and the glory of God sparkled her loveliness. Orange, pink and blue hues lit the majestic beauty from behind. The evening glowed like a five carat diamond reflecting a million refractions of radiance from the azure sky.

Couples sauntered along the water front holding hands, laughing and eating ice cream. Boaters basked in the last few sunsets of summer before the fiery sun would sink into the Pacific and seem to disappear until Spring.

We talked and watched people. I don’t remember much about him, as he didn’t float my kayak, so to speak.

Eventually we parted ways and that’s the last I saw of this person.

I sensed what he wanted was only skin deep.

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Here’s the part that stings like a thousand jelly fish in the Hawaiian surf. In those days, men paid for dinners or treats. I felt he wanted to figure out my boundaries in regards to my body. Obviously he’d never even said a word to me before he called. He simply noticed my helping my sis, and wanted my number. I am creeped out to think someone from a window watched as we worked. It makes me shudder inside.

He based his desires on appearance only. Okay, maybe he liked that I helped my sis and felt this reflected my personality, but I seriously doubt it. Of course I did and I still do hold and keep physical boundaries.

In other words, nobody gets anything unless they are invested in my heart and soul 100%. And today that means my husband, who honors my soul and enjoys my true heart, brain and essence.

I’m more than skin deep. He wanted sex, and I desired true and real intimacy.

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People frequently interchange the words “sex” and “intimacy.”  I’m speaking about the glorious gift of connecting on a spiritual, heart, soul and body level within a solid marriage. That is true intimacy at its finest. No words in any language can adequately reflect the Mount Everest of this  human experience. Few people probably ever get to experience this summit. I have been blessed beyond belief.

Once he realized my body was not a prize for him to paw, he didn’t want to spend a dime on me.

Not. One. Dime.

Jerk. (Insert expletives here.)

I consider this an exceptionally good riddance, and feel sorry for any woman he eventually connected with. Because he could offer nothing of himself.

Now I grasp he was a truly broken soul, as he desired something only skin deep.

He couldn’t handle true, real intimacy.

Most men don’t realize women are wired from the heart. Physically, certainly somewhat. But women’s heart strings dance when you treat them with respect, honor them, and listen to them. Women’s hearts sing when you think about what blesses them and then do it. Believe it or not, people pay me large sums of money to teach them this and the next paragraph.

This may mean vacuuming, fixing up the house, fixing her computer, or going where she  wants to go for dinner even though you’d rather eat Mexican. You don’t have to sell your soul to them and be a doormat. In fact if you rarely express your true heart and desires, she’ll probably reject you and won’t respect you. But if you honor her heart often, chances are your emotional, physical and spiritual connection will bloom like a thousand majestic dahlias in purple, ruby, coral and butter cream yellow. She wants your heart. Offer her your feelings, and open the window to your soul so she can peer into your heart.

And here’s a warning: Since women connect on a heart level, avoid receiving or offering too much information unless you desire deep intimacy. And make sure you grasp the weight of looking into the window of her soul.

Otherwise it’s easy for her roots to entangle around your heart. Watch out if you have a tendency to rescue people, including women you perceive as weak in one way or another.

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I realize I’ve written myself into a corner, but all these pieces of my heart matter. The jerk who walked me on the pier wasn’t interested in my heart. He didn’t care what I love, what I think, or even ask my story. Just wanted my body. He got nothing.

He had absolutely nothing to offer as far as a real relationship was concerned.


For me, that’s like kayaking in the bath tub. No sunsets, no seals, no salmon and no salty air to breathe in as I paddle among the sea stars and starfish.

I seek more, I want more, and I value myself more.

I am more than skin deep.~

If you enjoyed this post, you are invited to read my book, on sale now for $.99 ( Kindle and Nook versions only.) 

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